the-elephant-tales

haunted

2010-01-11T23:23:00.002+08:00

i reached school early this morning with a cup of teh and toasted roti with kaya.
feeling upbeat, finally getting to see my children after a long weekend...

uncle atique, at the gate said "farhanah you never come ah yesterday? you win $500 lucky draw. first prize."
i heard first prize, but im lost in between cause of his slang.
then i said "really?" and walked in.
"FARHANAH!!! 500 DOLLARS!!! why you didnt come!!!" screeched miss may.
okay, so the story goes...

on 9th january, saturday, there's a family day event at the temple.
the childcare im working with is under this temple organization or something.
so its like a carnival where you have lots of stalls with food.
and free flow of ice cream and what nots.
but i didnt turn up.
due to some technical fault.
which i dont want to elaborate on.
ya, then at the end of it, there's a lucky draw.
and i won first prize. $500. CASH.
but i wasnt there la. so too bad. my fault what kan.

BUT. today, when i went to school, from 9.10 am, everybody was like so mad la sia.
the uncles, the aunties, the bus drivers, the cooks, the teachers and everyone said:
"haiyo! see la! $500 dont want so have to come back and work right."
"$500 eh, mine only $50!"
"you have too much money is it ah girl? $500 also dont want."
"why didnt you come! first prize you know!"
"FARHANAH~ *and she showed me her palm of five fingers*"
"wei se mo ni mei you lai! wu bai kuai leh!"
"wo men den hen jui leh. dou mei you na dao wu bai kuai!"

okay people, please stop it.
you should all have just kept it from me right.
so mean! :(
i ady felt bad not going and this commotion made me feel worse la.
THANK YOU SO MUCH LA EH.
but still, i love you all la k.
*smiles.

good night everyone.
but seriously, my hands were itchy on that morning.
(my mother always said that it meant you are gonna get money.)
and my eyes were twitching since friday.
(and i thought something bad was gonna happen sia, so negative.)
why...................
k, haha. sleep!

2010

2010-01-01T02:37:00.001+08:00

guess who's back.
nana's back back back.
back to blog blog blog.

haha. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
finally eh, im here to update.
dah 2010 pon.

sooo, d's already back from taiwan anyways.
and i've been working for like 3 months now.
and the childcare centre's year end concert and emcee-ing pon dah over.

i've already enrolled myself in SEED institute.
currently taking an accelerated diploma in ECE.
love, love, LOVE SCHOOL LA!

so today, i met shawn, gavin and wei xuan.
for a countdown lepak session.
didnt get to watch fireworks la. just abit2 jek.kene block by trees. so cock.

but still, i had lots of laughs today.
like seriously, im a damn funny person.
haha. if you treat me good that is.

i was so high i fell flat onto my onion egg prata during supper.
haha.
just kidding.

k, enough of crap. i should go to bed like now.
tmr need to do the laundry and my assignments.....
boohoo. 8th jan deadline. happy new year la eh nana.

then i have a colleague's wedding to attend tmr at 5pm.
going to meet my pregnant colleague, ms radhiah first and then go together.
love her seh. funny woman. totally mrepek.

k la, till next time.
<3 nur farhanah.
1st post of 2010.

a long wait

2009-10-10T01:09:00.004+08:00

yeay! d called me this morning when i was on my way to work. :D
i wanted to bounce up and down, but later ppl thought i giler. hur.
then we chat2 for bout 5 mins jek. but he said he'll call again.

how time flies, i've been working in this new school for a month already!
this school is super cool.
its so huge compared to the previous school.

it has 2 storeys with a music room, art room and gym room.
toddler and nursery are on the 1st storey.
k1, k2 are on 2nd storey.

im handling k1 now and its much tougher, i must say.
but i still have lots of fun @ work.
i love them as much as my toddlers.

oh2, and the previous school's water play was just standing up and playing with water.
whereas over here, the children wear swimming costumes and really play in the water!
its like a huge bath tub and they even have a mini slide.

i wish i could join in with them, and have a splashing good time.
on mondays, there's art class. tuesdays, ballet/ gymnastic class.
wednesdays, wushu class and thursdays, speech and drama class.

so cool right! and know what, they have air cons in the classrooms.
so shiok ah, i also fall2 asleep seh during naptime.
oops! shhhhhhh.......

i've been asked to teach 5 pupils a rap to perform on the concert night.
so stress! but we had a good time and lots of laughs.
they were really fast at learning their lines and im so proud of them.

well done, efani, ray, chern yu, joel, minqi!
next, i have to draft a speech for myself,
as i will be the emcee for the night. RAR!

im happy i am still able to cope with all the stress.
id rather be here than there cleaning tables and getting pushed around.
i love this place and hope i will get to stay for long.

tomorrow i'll be going to SEED Institute for a preview session.
on Diploma in Early Childhood Care and Education - Teaching.
yeay2. fuck, regret taking that electronics and computer engineering dip.

but nevermind, as long as i continue to work hard, i know i can still go far.
today, i signed up for 2 savings plan.
so every month i have to put aside some money for that and start using money wisely.

i wanna get that dip and then go on to do my degree.
then i wanna buy a motor and a car and a house and a.......
hahaha, banyak nye nak beli!

its 1am now. id better climb my mountain and continue to dream.
d, i'll be waiting for your call.
i love you, take good care!

oh ya, the iTOUCH right d, i create account ady. alot of games ady.
scratch2 also alot ady. you know why? cause i touch2 la. haha. k lame. sorry!
so tmr after the preview session i meeting kelvin, the health promo board guy.

he bringing me to funan to accompany me buy all that stuff.
i choose the colour k d?
red k? heeeeeee. thank you d.

okay, night dear. *cuddles!
lots of love,
nana*

ruins

2009-09-13T01:47:00.005+08:00

its been long since i last bitched slap someone.
and thats just what im gonna do now.

bitch no 1;

i hate you.
to the core.

i hate when ppl ask me questions about you.
and i hate ppl asking me those questions too.

if you dont wanna puase, your fucking problem.
you die, you answer to god.

and if for some reason you wanna know who and who and who puase,
call and ask for yourself in future. thanks.

stop all your membebelness at me.
why should i be the one who get all of that shit?

i had enough of you ppl shitting on me.
am i to hold such responsibilities?

you are the one who should have been dead.
life is so unfair at times.

bitch no 2;

stop asking me for money.
im not your fucking atm.

you've got a job.
so start saving your ass up.

i need the money to further upgrade myself in future.
why should i let you have half my pay?

grow up and live a life.
i have my own life to live too.

not that im being biase to bitch no 3,
but i dont feel like you deserve it. sorry.

bitch no 3;

i love you so much that im getting sick of it.
if it still doesnt work out, im gonna raise that white flag.

money, money, money.
i feel like all you want is money.

am i second to money?
or third or fourth? maybe even fifth.

if the only issue we're ever gonna talk about is bills and such,
we wont get to go too far.

thats a pity.
years we've been through, down the drain.

i would pay for your insurance to save your motor.
and i mean it. dengan ikhlas hati.

but you would rather use a motor that belongs to your few months old friend,
than the money of your 3 years gf.

i see where its going.
i see where i stand now.

i take the blame for everything.
e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

like its always my fault i dont have a place in mind to go.
and when i have, its already closed.

like what the fuck?
i knew i wont be able to make it in time.

i thought we were just gonna lepak thats why i went over.
so why pick me up at the traffic light?

and why do you have to blame me of shitty stuff that i have nothing to do with?
its not my fucking fault there is no lot for you to park at geylang.

and i dont normally go buy baju raye myself.
my mother does the shopping with me.

she's not here anymore, i dont have anyone to teman me.
i hate to do these things alone.

i hate it.
i HATE it.

why should i be crying?
crying all by myself all the time?

i had a wonderful day today.
met up with shawn, gavin and leonard for movie.
it was a fucking hilarious show.

and some retarded asshole's laughter kinda irritated me a little.
but it was still a funny movie.
i love you, beth cooper.

then i shopped with l while s and g went to the it fair @ suntec.
looked around for that charles and keith heels i fell head over heels with.
but then again, no size 34 available.

i was crushed.
i really3 love that pair of heels.
i want it so badly.

since i couldnt get that, i turned to the nautica polo tee.
but s said it was too expensive for a polo t.
so i decided to walk away.

i didnt get anything for myself today.
but i had sushi for dinner. <3
spicy salmon........ *drools.

the night before, i went geylang with syahmi.
we had a hell of a ride.
as if we both just touchdown to singapore from papua new guinea or somewhere.

we couldnt find the bazaar.
it was damn funny.
and lame.

i didnt get to find the kebaye that i fell in love with at civic centre in woodlands.
so i didnt buy any baju raye.
but i bought dendeng, char kway fish, honey chicken wings and an inai book.

its got lots of drawings inside. damn cool.
but a waste of my $5.
i can just go online to search for images; which is what ive been doing all this time. haha.

then he sent me home.
his u turn is horrible.
and the corner barings cant beat that of a motorcycle.

when on a bike, i love the wind in my face.
the stares on the road.
and the heart stopping corner barings.

its 1.39am now.
guess i'll be stopping round here.
for those who have been terased by my words, im sorry.

to bitch no 3:
i just want you to know how much i love you.
and since you have a laser mouth, i might as well develop one myself.
i will love you, till the ends of time.

and to my dearest mother,
happy 50th birthday.
you would have been half a century old.

yes, i understand that Allah loves you more than all of us.
hope you are fine over there.
you will always remain in my heart, every single day mummy. i love you.

night everyone.
a week left to raye.
will mintak maaf then.

new job

2009-09-08T22:39:00.003+08:00

i make mistakes over and over again.
people learn from their mistakes.
but im one of those fools who repeat them.

wish i could turn back time sometimes.
but i know its gonna happen again another time.
what have i done this time?

im starting my new job next monday, 14th sept.
a day after my mother's birthday.
how i wish she could have stayed.

its pretty much the same things i will be doing.
as a teacher for the toddler age group.
which to me is the super fun group. :)

chatted with cik mah for awhile on the phone.
i was close to tears.
the things she said were what i know my mother would say.

she asked for my working hours.
i told her it should be 9 to 5 or 6.
she thought i would have to start at 7, and was damn sure i wouldnt make it on time.

haha.
she sure knows me well enough.
i love you cik mah.

she told me to pakai smart2. jangan slekeh2, hair sikat betol2, jangan panjang2 macam hantu.
and we joke2, like as if i were some professional ady.
and we berangan2, as usual.

then i say for what seh, just preschool teacher jek.
but still, its the impression we leave to the principal and parents thats important.
if wanna be someone important must look important too. chey. mrepek.

really anxious to be starting on my new job.
finally finished my poly.
i feel like a butterfly breaking out of its cocoon.

okay la, very tired today.
will be stopping here to get some rest.
till then, lots of love.

ramadhan

2009-08-22T18:55:00.003+08:00

its the first day of fasting today.
to all muslim people in the world,
selamat berpuase.

i woke up at 430am today, excited.
wanted to cook rice and goreng telor.
but fried rice instead.
with ikan bilis, chicken franks, and egg.

my bro, ungrateful, as usual, said it was too salty.
and he said the milo i made was too sweet.
*shrugs.
nothing i do seem right i guess.

i went back to sleep and woke at 12+ again feeling excited.
i asked uncle alvin to drill for me my racks last night and spent hours kemasing my room.
its still messy though, still upgrading.
but i couldnt wait to show it to you.

im reading an amazing book titled silent sisters.
and right now, i feel like im in Jenny's shoes.
hooked, on Keith who is an abuser but still she finds it so hard to leave him.
he is the drug she is addicted to.

on other days, i feel like Kim, Jenny's younger sister.
happy, with a man who she loves and who dotes on her.
a sweet couple deeply in love.
so much like in a fairytale.

today, i experienced a feeling i thought i never would have to feel again.
it was extreme pain and disappointment.
i've often thought of resigning to fate.
but still, i chose to follow my heart.

its difficult to explain, the stupid things i do, stupid choices i make.
time and time again, achieving nothing but sadness.
i feel lonely.
jaded.

its 6:53pm now.
almost time to break fast,
selamat berbuke everyone.

battlefield

2009-08-16T22:47:00.003+08:00

previously, on nana break..

i went on a battle, that explains my disappearance.
a battle for control of the sanity.
1 entire month; 30 ~~years~~ long days.
it was a tough one.

but im much better now.
and i've learnt to love myself more.
thank you.
for everything.

it's 10:26pm now, and i'll be heading to bed soon.
working tomorrow. yeay!
i regret tendering my resignation.
will be working till end of this month. *sigh.

i cant imagine what my last day of work will be like.
i think im going to cry when i hug those little people goodbye.
im going partybag shopping next week.
a little something for them, and i'll get bright smiles in return.

so i've sent out quite a bit of job applications.
but only got back a few calls such as:
interior designer @ IMM. $800. wtf, so little la.
and supervisor @ ntuc havent go for interview.

if i cant get a job, i'll just continue with my card making business.
but i need to reach out to more people.
please, share the love with all your friends.
http://handmadegiftcards.blogspot.com

i've came up with future plans for this mini business.
and i hope it can come true.
because i love doing what i do.
and i dont want to give my dream up.

okay la, i think i have to go to sleep now.
and continue dreaming.
day-dreamer, night-dreamer, all day dreamer.
if there's a position as a dreamer, i'll be the best candidate.

k la, slamat malam you all.
i love you d.
*cuddles.
:)

cloud nine

2009-06-26T23:25:00.003+08:00

today, i went to work from 9am to 130pm.
didnt know where to head to, and i didnt wanna go home just yet.
so i msged awad and asked him out.

i was at hougang mall and i decided to bring him to that sengkang east way place.
then i went to search the ENTIRE hougang mall for a kite.
i went to stupid places like ntuc, popular, mini toons, value dollar or something and etc.

then at the top most level, there's this shop called TOYRIFIC.
i found it there.
TERRIFIC!

so i went to his house and picked him up.
and we took the bus to the shopping centre. compass point? think so la.
ate ~~mac~~ he changed his mind so we had kfc and went timezone and shopped around.

i love that first game we played, i dont know the name of it.
the one that has two goal 'posts' and lots of small holes that produce air.
2 players with this handle thing and a circle 'coin'.

there's this striking resemblance that i see in this picture.

yes!
at around 4, we walked over to this empty plot of land.
it was super huge la.
i think you can have 10 teams of soccer playing together! maybe even 20!

warming up. okay! lepaskan!
:)

sadly, he didnt manage to get the kite up and flying.

but he didnt give up trying.

and i helped him and we did it! :D

soon after, we were too tired to run.

so we packed up and left.

we're gonna meet up again, someday soon.

and he made me laugh like mad when he told me the story of the man and prata.

i couldnt stop laughing seh.

"sonshofshashbitchsh." ahahahahaha!!! thanks awad.

&& i dont usually use pink as my font colour.

its because this is his favourite colour.

and below are some random pictures i took.

focus on foreground. my castle.

guan cheng's hut. hahaha!

and he was so excited.

i am still hoping for this day to arrive.
2 smiles, 2 hearts, beating as one.
semoga kau dan aku, akhirnya bersama.

delight

2009-06-23T23:37:00.006+08:00

hi there!
how are you?
im fine, thank you. :)

guess what?!
i've got a new student in class!
and its a..... GIRL!!!

yes, yes, YES!
a DAMN cute malay girl.
huge eyes with curly fries hair on top!

awww.
i've always wanted that.
makes me melt.

okay so anyway, the day before, i chatted with the principal.
she asked again, when i'll be able to work full time.
i feel so pressurised la! everyone's been asking!

actually i talk to her to ask if i can get a pay raise first.
cause INSYAALLAH i will be finishing school by AUGUST 2009.
then i'll be a diploma holder! yea. dip dip banana dip.

but she said she needs to see the cert. and i said i dont know when i will get it la.
maybe next year. exam results can? she said no.
and i asked if i were to work full time how much will my salary be.

she said $1200.
negotiable?
$50 more. $1250.

i wanted to *yakdish her la. LOL.
and i asked if i had the cert, how much would it be.
she said "one thousand three hundred and fifty".

okay, thats like $100 more?
god. i spent FOUR bloody long years la in poly.
four and a half, to be exact.

so now im torn between whether i should get a degree, or just stay in this childcare line.
over here, i get to upgrade myself and pay likewise.
but i still dont earn as much as i will when i get a degree la.

so how!
four years of full time study?
or three years of part time study.

the difference in salary is like a thousand dollars plus plus plus.
and the difference in years of study is only one.
but will i be able to cope?

RARRR!
how?
i just wish there is someone i can talk to bout such matters.

i told the principal i will think about it.
because when i first accepted the job, i told her its only gonna be part time.
but damn! i fell in love with it.

okay, enough of this.
chapter 2.
LRT.

have you ever been on an lrt?
yeap, the one that doesnt have a driver.
like the skytrain at the airport. (only that it smells better.)

i was on the way to QX's 21st birthday party @ bukit panjang CC.
met shawn @ choa chu kang station.
leonard and alex were late, so we left on our own.

me: looks like there's lots of people. im afraid i cant breathe later.
shawn: i also dont like to take lrt. everytime spoil.
me: *starting to feel anxious, the butterflies start to flutter* seriously?
shawn: ya! you never hear before meh!
me: no~ when?!
shawn: everytime!

so lrt arrives...

cck -> south view -> keat hong -> teck whye -> phoenix.

we just arrived at the phoenix station.
and suddenly, the train lights went off and so did the air con.
the train did not open its doors.

i looked at shawn.

me: what happened?
shawn: dont know. i think it stalled.
me: really?
shawn: ya, see just now i say ady! everytime spoil.
me: mulot masin siol!!!
shawn: should we sit?
me: okay.

everyone else on the train carries on chatting or were on the phone.
they seemed calm.
like as if the train was still operating.

me: how long are we gonna stay here?
shawn: i dont know.
me: isnt anyone gonna call someone to save us? what if no one knows we are here?!
shawn: there's people outside at the station.
me: *looks around and saw an emergency phone* shawn! quick call!
shawn: *lifts the phone and put it to his ear* okay bye!
me: what?! just okay bye?!
shawn: she knows we are stuck. she said its due to power failure.
me: did you know that the other time the singapore flyer had a power failure, they stayed in there for 6 hours!
shawn: you were on it?!
me: no! omg. im going to faint. stop talking to me.

i was staring at the door and i noticed it had a gap.
yes! we are alive!
an indian man used the emergency door unlock thing.

yes la.
thank you, man.
you saved my life.

and we took a cab down to the CC.
where we met leonard at the bus stop.
and went up to level 4; multi purpose hall.

whoaa. cool seh. have emcee and dj.
and there was a magician.
and some roller-bladers.

oh! and the roller-bladers like jump across people la.
it was freaking scary.
i've got some pictures here.

6 people here.

and 8 here.
and this is shawn.

these hats we are wearing cost like 80 cents each.

and the birthday boy spent like $500 on balloons itself.

he is CCCRRRAAAZZZYYY!

but it was fun.

okay, getting late now.

gotta go sleep.

good night everyone!

torment

2009-06-19T11:47:00.010+08:00

havent been updating.
well, life isnt the same now.
it never will be again. :(

all by myself.
lost and confused.
in this beautiful world where i can only see black and white.

nothing much has happened since.
oh, except that i had a 21st birthday party.
a boring, useless and sad party actually.

but people, thanks for turning up anyways.
much appreciated.
really.

it wouldnt have been possible without any of you.
maybe just one of you.
thanks for the gifts though.

the past 3 weeks i passed has been entirely the same every week.
work, and more work.
tuition, and more tuition.

below are some pictures of stuff i do at work.
things that i love to do.
but now, it seems like a chore.

nowadays, i spend lunch sighing as i force food down my throat.
and after which, i will lay my head on the table with a crayon in my hand.
and colour my time away.

a page of what i read.

the carrot i drew and coloured.

smells like coffee.

cause i accidentally spilled on it.

damnit!

we are friends. wo de peng you.
food you should be eating.

milk!

not too much of these~

and these too~

play-doh!

and my all time favourite, Mr E.

guan cheng :)

aaron :)

bryan :)

ehren :)

teacher HAFARNAH!!

*smiles. no dear, its farhanah.

thanks boys.

i love you all.

*hug hug.

and you too, my big boy.

i love you with all my heart.

semoga kau dan aku, akhirnya bersama.

nur farhanah*

anniversary♥birthday

2009-05-28T12:28:00.022+08:00

im finally 21.
can watch R21 movies.
ahaha.

d fetch me from home.
he came as i was mopping the floor.
happy anniversary la eh d.

then i siap2 and we went to the singapore KTM shop.
and recce the super duke.
SUPER nice la.

suddenly,

d: tsk.
me: why?
d: this guy nonsense seh.
me: who?
d: this alan ah.
me: oh.
d: his name alan t-o-k.
me: mm.
d: another one also, alan k-o-k.
me: mm.
d: then together, they always tok kok.
me: HAHAHAHAHA!!!

then we went to the tampines one.
shop, shop, shop.
like quite cool.

then we went to changi beach. (*d slaps his forehead.)
sun sets in the east.
so we were on the wrong side of the world, no sunset. :(

went to changi airport.
and we had swensens and ice cream too!
and we think we saw that top lawyer.

love that hair!

so cute!
this is chip. lookalike?

d: have one pak cik recommend me a job.

me: really, as what?

d: usher at night safari.

me: cool what!

d: usher do what ah d?

me: like say this way please.. tickets please.. something like that i think..

d: ohh.

me: but if usher the animals i dont know how ah.

d: "ROAR, roar (with hand movements)."

me: HAHAHAHAHA!!!

terminal 3.

and then we went to esplanade.

sat for a while.

and headed home.

in my room, i saw a huge parcel on the floor.
like the size of 6 tissue boxes.

from my beloved idiotic brothers.

so i tore it up.

paper after paper.

box after box.

the mess.

ended up with this. guess what?! a teeny- weeny elmo.

thanks la eh brothers tersyangku.
"not the size, but the thought that counts." -fir
how thoughtful.

and that was the end of my birthday.

23rd may 2009.

i wish.

absence

2009-05-07T15:28:00.002+08:00

one saturday night, my bf asked...

d: what you doing d yesterday?
me: nothing ah. why?
d: you catch spider?
me: no. why?
d: ohh. i thought you catch spider cause your table so berserak.
me: ??? -_____-

funny la you d.
come home soon k.
i miss you and i need a hug.

so work is fine.
there's a new boy who joined the class; guan cheng.
zi xiang went on to PG2 ady. :(

finally got my payslip.
but since its a cheque, i havent really received the money yet.
hopefully by saturday can then can splurge with d.

i wanna get that skirt, and some pants for work.
tired of wearing jeans.
so rimas la i when at playground.

then i wanna go GIANT and buy the whole supermarket.
shampoo, soap, all that stuff to pamper myself in the toilet.
then chips! vitasoy! chicken! beef! and whatever2 la to treat my stomach.

then we going IKEA to eat hot dog. :)
then we buy another sofa. :)
then i like macam paham. lol.

k la.
i going to meet my friends and we are going town.
they wanna get smart clothes for their graduation.

mine will be coming soon.
~~mid july opening in theaters.~~ ahaha. mid july finish school la.
patience farhanah, patience...

fatigued

2009-04-30T13:51:00.001+08:00

i dont know why, but i feel exceptionally tired today.
one kind of a worn out feeling.

i couldnt sleep well last night.
thanks to the damned mosquitoes.

and then i dreamt i had lumps in my breast.
and some stupid doctor told me, "how could you not suspect its cancer?!"

haha. what the hell.
then i woke up feeling sooooo damn drained.

must be the emotions i felt when i was diagnosed with the cancer.
seriously, i didnt even smile when i saw light.

on weird days, i do.
but today, i didnt.

and soon after, it rained heavily.
i climbed down the ladder to shut my windows.

and after that i watched primetime morning and the ellen degeneres show.
at 930, i went to mandi.

then i filled my waterbottle and poured a bowl of honeystars and milk for breakfast.
i went on to switch on the fan and tv.

i settled comfortably on the sofa and looked at my bowl to begin my first scoop.
TO MY HORROR, the damned bowl of brekky was filled with like 200 ants!!!

k la, kidding la. around 20?
k la, 10 plus plus la.

then i took a piece of tissue to like remove the ants.
but god, how silly can i get? (cause the tissue soaked up the milk instead.)

then i said, fuck it la, im late ady.
so continued with the ellen show. is it? wait. i dont remember what i watch anymore.

nevermind, so i only ate the honeystars that didnt have ants on.
like i stir2 to get it off and i also drank the milk.

then ants were like floating around my stars and a pang of guilt shot me.
how could i have drowned these ants and not even notice?!

poor thing.
im so sorry, but you guys deserved it for getting on my brekky.

dont do it again!
please.

then i threw the rest away and left home.
i reached the bus stop at 1023.

and i got to class at 1117.
checked my mails, blog and all.

received my new EZ link card.
didnt even know i'd be getting one.

my, i really feel sooooo exasperated.
i hope im not falling sick.

have you ever killed an ant and when you smell your finger,
it has a kind of an insecticide smell?

is that why i feel so drowsy?
that honeystars with dead ants and tissue in my milk breakfast.

whatever.
im off.

disappointment

2009-04-18T13:32:00.002+08:00

woke up at 9 this morning.
realized my clock is slow. by half hour!
so its actually 930 something.
lazed around till 1011, then went to mandi.
siaping time, bf msg me.
then siap ady, alfi ask me go breakfast with him.
so i called dian and cancel the appointment.
then suddenly i stomach ache.
so i went to berak.
when i came out from toilet, my brother cook maggi ady.
so since i cancel appointment ady with dian, i called bf.

and my day just turned bad like that.
with that phone call.
fuck life.

despicable

2009-04-17T21:55:00.012+08:00

hate.
i hate it when people irritate me.
my level of tolerance is unexpectedly low.
i wish i could punch every single person who does it to me.

i work whenever i have free time.
unless i am very very very tired, will i skip a day of work.
i've been helping out my aunts at their pao shop for years now.
and i haaaaate the auntie2 there.

especially chinese. 98% are la actually. haha.
there was this woman, this afternoon.
she wants her things wrapped. (frozen stuff la.)
then the lady (worker) wrapped it using the orbituary page.
finished wrapping ady, putting in a plastic bag ady know.
and that bitch said, "i dont like that page. can you rewrap for me?
DONT give me the orbituary page."
if i were the one doing the wrapping, i would have thrown the damn thing at her face la.
what. pantang ke? like as if your face will be next on that page. bodoh pe.
seriously, either you say before she wraps or bring your own paper la.
if everybody is like you, might as well i sell wrapping paper also, then you all can choose nice2. hello kitty or heart shape or flower or whatever.
stupid betol la.

then there are some who buy small stuff then ask for big bag.
walao, stupid or what. these are the most sickening ones.
then some ask for extra bag. then wanna tell me where they live.
excuses la. want just ask nicely la. tell me where2 all for what. im not interested okay.
then those who keep asking me nice or not, also idiotic.
you go ntuc buy stuff, you have ask the cashier this nice or that nice or what nice anot?
walao! try la. not nice dont buy again!
i wish i can bitch-slap people who make me sick.
please. last eh.

i dont know why i so angry today.
actually i was happy. :)
then i became sad. :(
i think its the cycle. pms.

anyway, years ago, cik imah gave me a watch.
its those silver kind, shiny2, like working people wear kind ah.
i didnt fancy such watch last time. so i ask mummy to keep it for me ah.
so next time when i go out to work, i can wear. like too class for school.
then as you know, my mother has departed.
so i asked my dad where is the watch ah. i wanna wear ady.
then he said he gave away.

WALAOOOOO.
PEOPLE BUY FOR ME YOU GIVE OTHER PEOPLE.
NO LINK SEH! WTH. I AM SO PISSED LA.
EVERYTHING GIVE PEOPLE.
MUMMY KEEP FOR ME THEN SHE NOT AROUND ADY YOU GIVE PEOPLE.

i am the kind of person, when someone dear to me gives me something, i will keep.
keep and keep until one day i dont want ady or never use ady, then i give away.
like the red reebok jacket that my ex bf gave me on my birthday.
we broke up 4, 5 years ady ah. but i never gave it away till recently. like 2, 3 weeks ago?
and the princess diary dian and atiqah gave me, i still sayang seh wanna use.
but im still keeping it. i was so touched ah when they give me the present.
i love them like my sisters, if i had one.
and i was so sad and guilty when i threw away this necklace dian gave me.
i liked it. bf liked it too.
but i accidentally vomitted on it. and it was smelly and disgusting and ewww.
and you should know la. im sorry dear!

okay, i feel much lighter now.
cik mah, im sorry. i dont know where the watch is now.
probably in china. *sigh.

***************************************************************************************************

so d,
next up, a pair of nautica watches.
one for me, and one for you k bf.
happy tak? i know, you've been waiting. haha.
d. thanks for everything baby.

i'll work hard, for you.
i'll be a better person, for you.
i'll watch my choice of words, for you.
i'll be everything you want me to be, for you.

haha. sweet right i d?
i know, thaaanks.
but i know very well how cruel i am to you too.
and thanks for giving me the many million of chances.
i love you baby.
<3

colours

2009-04-15T23:42:00.001+08:00

hello people!
i cant wait to tell you all about my job la.
i love my new job!
so fun, but tiring too seh.
but still fun. haha. ~~mama. haha.~~
i get to see these kids laugh and learn at the same time.
sooooo cute la!!!

watch them eat and mess the whole place,
then watch hi-5, and sing and dance together.
then change diapers and mandi.
after which they sleep and snore.
and later wake and then have teatime and mess the place all over again.
after that assembly, where we'd sit and listen to stories.
and we would go outdoor to have a walk and play at the playground.
and then we go back, wash our hands and continue to play.
and finally........... home!

time pass by quite quickly.
except when they are sleeping. it gets extremely boring.
i like wanna lie on the tilam with them.
my eyelids will become very heavy. and the eyes, teary.
and i will keep yawning and yawning.
you hear those you know huge white fans spinning with that *creek2 sound on the super high ceiling.
i can just fall into a deep sleep!

i like these kinda noise.
and the sound of raindrops on zinc awnings, my favourite!
that was how i slept on rainy days since young till 17.
i miss that! super noisy but comforting.
then i'll just pelok my bolster and smell my bantal busyuk.

k la, i talking nonsense ady.
penat ady la.
tomorrow no work.
only mondays, tuesdays and wednesdays.
but i have to do some chores at home.
yes! favourite!
ahahahahahaha. macam paham.

i love you d! i cant wait to see you.
i wanna go to alot of places know d!
cycling, tanning, camping, outfielding, movieing, shopping and eating.
heeeee. *cuddles you in your thin green blanky. :)
k la. good night baby.

and the cute boys of PG1!
aaron, reyes, ryan, wynston & zi xiang.
see you guys next week! *hughug.

tsk!

2009-04-12T23:11:00.001+08:00

what is this!!!!!!!
i bought 0873, it came out 0874.
2112, it came out 2113.
ape ni nana............ dose tau. :P

~~nevermind. try again.~~

yeay! im gonna sleep soon.
cause tomorrow's gonna be my FIRST DAY AT NEW JOB!
weeeee. && i cant wait la!

went for interview bout 2 weeks ago.
post applied for: teacher.
@ childcare centre la. haha.

then the interviewer like talk alot. for 20 minutes?
then i learnt that if the kid berak/ kencing i must help clean them up.
hahaha. serious? ya.

come on kids, dont do it on my first day la k?

then i also learnt that i have to go for medical check-up first.
and if im fit then i am able to work.
and i also found out that there's gonna be a blood test.
and i never got any jab eversince the BCG years ago.

so i rang cik nor up to teman me to the SATA for the check-up.
and she did. thanks so much k cik nor. *HUGS~

then i thought the jab is going to be like so painful.
but it wasnt! :)
like i close2 my eyes, tahan2 my tears all.
as if its something super horrific.....
then its like 1.5 out of 10 ah the pain.
haha. so funny la i.

then i had to do urine test, eye test, x-ray and the height and weight.
im 42kg @ 153cm short.
but bf is 30cm shorter than me.
hahaha.

then few days later, i collected the results and.....
im fit enough to work. so i called up the centre to start work ASAP.

i hope the children like cute2, nice long hair, some curly2 like curly fries.
and when they smile, they'll blind me with their perfect mini teeth.
and i hope they are sweet-mannered little people.
not like setan2 kind. run here and there. throw things anyhow or shit everywhere.
haha. let's see la how they are like tomorrow.

sekali work one day then cabot. lol.

okay la, till the next post.
farewell darlings.

and baby, i love you so much. thank you for scolding me.
*hugs.

i love you, mummy

2009-04-09T22:42:00.007+08:00

you'd never believe who i dreamt of last night.
i never expected it either.
thanks mummy, for coming into my dreams.
(though it made me cry.)
i was hugging you as tightly as i could.
and tears were streaming down my cheeks.
we had each other in our arms.
and i wished we could remain that way for eternity.

but..... POOF!
and you were gone.
i lay awake, by the edge of my bed.
and continued on with those prickling tears.
it was painful.
it was short.
it was merely a dream.

i'd just thought of you the night before.
what am i saying?
you are on my mind every single day.
i wish you would appear every night mummy.
come again, tonight.
will you?
please please please please please? pretty please.

i love you.
with all my heart.

♥ farhanah*
your one and only, daughter.

forlorn

2009-04-08T23:15:00.002+08:00

*SIGH. my stomach is not well. again.
i hate stomachACHES, and i hate to kentot.
and i hate to vomit also.

ANYWAYSSS,
it's been so long, long, long (echo..)
that i havent seen your face.
i'm trying to be strong,
but the strength i have is washing away.
:(

went to cik nor house smalam with firdaus.
lepak, makan, laugh, carik uban, gossip.
went to kedai to beli roti.
but dont have any left.
SOOOOO UPSET. extremely. im serious.
:(

on the way back, on bus 966,
this lady boarded the bus. at bukit panjang.
fir said: look like mummy ah.
i said: ya seh.
and i turned back twice.
(sorry eh cik, if i looked like cranko, holding your gaze for like so long, longer than a girl should.)

almost there, just that my mother didnt use that much make-up.
never did, only on jemputans2.
those dark red lips, i'll never forget.

and then i turned back to the book i was reading.
FOR ONE MORE DAY. by MITCH ALBOM.

a guy, who lost his mother, and soon lost everything else.
his marriage, wife, daughter.
he just couldnt pull himself together.
and even tried to die.

very sad book.
not for the faint hearted.

Ask yourself this:
Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation,
one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever?
If so, then you know you can go your whole life collecting days,
and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back.

i have.
and oh, how i wish i could just have that one chance.
maybe two or three..
fuck.
i wish i could have you back FOREVER, mummy.

i miss you.

okay, i've reached the point where i cant carry on.
not because im left with no words.
but i am forlorn.
i wanted to say so much.

but till next time, farewell.

disney on ice

2009-03-24T13:33:00.001+08:00

here are some pictures i took at the PRINCESS WISHES!

mickey and minnie. goofy, d's favourite. the 7 dwarfs. belle. you see the guy in the air?! its like a see-saw thing. and the guy on the see-saw is going to get flipped onto the chair! arial and flounder.d! i want you to swing me like this!

and hold me in the air like this.

and like this...
and spin me like this! like a soccer ball on your finger.

k dah d, enough d. i pening ady.

the 3 i dont know what. fairy-godmothers?

cinderella.

royal ball.

princesses and princes.

carriage.

&& there were fireworks!

and they lived happily ever after.

THE END.

monthsary

2009-03-23T23:55:00.000+08:00

it's 23rd of march today.
happy 2 years and 10 months, beloved bf. <3

we've been through so much.
and i really mean so SO much.
thank God, you're still standing by me.
and sometimes, i really dont understand why.

you are, just the perfect bf.
and baby, i love you with all my heart.
so much so that it aches at times.
but i know, its all gonna be worth it.

the man i love, so sweet and dear.
but still, sometimes i wish i could hammer him into the ground,
with those 1000kg cartoon hammer tweety uses on sylvester.
serious, thats how our love is. right d?
(i know you wish you could do the same also la kan..?)

right, so this is just a pinch of what he is made up of.......

the weirdo
who does not eat apples, but drinks apple tea.
who does not eat oranges, but eat those strepsils orange flavour.
who does not eat mushrooms, as from what he claimed, are grown in china carparks.
who does not eat tempeh, paru, oyster omelette etc till he met me.

the unromantic clueless boy
who does not even bother to help open my side of the car door.
(i think its only in dramas.)
who does not help me to close the vehicle door after he let me in.
(*shakes head...)
who I have to buy roses for.
(so terbalik kan?!)
who rather i still continue with being the one to buy him the roses.
(*speechless...)

the really full of nonsense one
who always taknak kalah.
when i said that beyonce has told me,
he told me jay-z asked him out for coffee and told him too.
"you ready b? let's go get 'em" :)

&& nonetheless,

the sweet giler guy
who still waited for me for like 1 hour plus at our 'meeting place' though he had a fever...
who helped me assemble my bed, drill tv rack, shelves, whiteboards in my room...
who said its okay even though i threw up right before him...
who one day surprised me with a squeaky clean fan and fixed my bedsheets...

i know. 1, 2, 3... together! "AWWWWW......."

baby, i dont know what i'd be without you.
thank you for everything.
right from when we started.
i'm really grateful, with just knowing you are mine.

I LOVE YOU, MUHAMMAD AZRI. <3
thank you,
once again.

yours faithfully,
Nur Farhanah*

flashback

2009-03-18T23:37:00.002+08:00

okay, so here i am, on my sofa.....
transfering pics from my camera to the laptop.
and i saw these pictures of me and dearest boyfriend at IKEA.
:)

me: d! i want the one on the highest shelf k! the top most one!
d: okay~ and *stretch his rubber arms.......
so cool right my bf. not like yours. ahaha.

and he acts like a kid. but i love it. look at that happy face. *melts.....

and this is how it looks at night. :D

new skin

2009-03-15T12:05:00.000+08:00

yes, i've got a NEW SKIN.
no more colours.
but a new skin. haha.
thing is, how can it be so similar to what i put up on friendster?!
all that 'not something enough'...
like they even have it on a skin?!
i damn need to have this skin!
its meant to be mine la. :]

(i know, you think it must have been a mere coincidence. IT'S NOT! )
-_- all you want.

&& thanks erra for the tag thing.

and to my dearest brother,
hope you like the NIKE wallet i got you.
i know you did la.
all smiles.
love you, fi.

d, i dont know what happened, but i still love you.
truckloads.
truck-sampah-loads.
you know what i trying to say anot azri?
ya, i love you.

birthday

2009-03-12T16:56:00.004+08:00

hello.

i'm sooo bored.
4.42pm, going to pack up and leave for home.
finally!
yesterday was papa's birthday.
got 2 shirts for him from giordano.
share2 with alfi and firdaus.

following day will be alfi's birthday.
still thinking on what i should get for him.
a NIKE something?
like mahal only.....
maybe bring him watch movie?
the what witch mountain.
like hot only.
haha.

on 17th its d's birthday.
havent thought of what to get.
but we are going to DISNEY ON ICE la!
omg. so excited.
haha. ya, like my birthday only.....
-_-''

shout out to d:
'IM SORRY I EVERYTIME MAKE YOU ANGRY2 D!'
i love you sayang. *hugs k.

okay la. till next time. <3

handmadeGIFTcards

2009-03-10T12:35:00.002+08:00

www.handmadegiftcards.blogspot.com

do visit! thanks! :)

yeay

2009-03-09T15:45:00.000+08:00

yeay.
i've FINALLY got my sofa bed.
after years and years and months and months of beranganing.
:)
love it! thanks d!
for driving me there, loading it into the lorry, unloading it from the lorry.
then carrying up to my house. so strong la you d. *grins.
thanks once again baby. <3

2009-02-28T01:17:00.003+08:00

finally, the exams are over.
and here i am, not having to study tonight.
and suddenly, im thinking of the person who stole my handphone.
im sorry, the heartless, sick-in-the-head dog.
he/she stole my phone on the day my mother died.

can you imagine?
of all days?
it had to be on the saddest day of my entire life.
yea, shit happens.
i was looking through my folders in my laptop.
my eyes fell on the one that was named 'mummy'.
about 50 pictures.

the reason i still cant forgive that dog is because i have so many pictures in my handphone.
all my sweet memories.
that i dont have in hard copies.
and also, that phone was a present for my birthday, from her.
and that dog just took it all away from me.
just like that.

fuck you.

2009-02-11T19:04:00.001+08:00

Depression symptoms of major depression

Persistently sad, anxious, angry, irritable, or "empty" mood
Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed
Insomnia, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
Decreased appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and/or weight gain
Fatigue, decreased energy, being "slowed down"
Crying spells
Thoughts of death or suicide, suicide attempts
Restlessness, irritability
Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and/or chronic pain
Poor school performance
Persistent boredom

somebody, please help me.

fuck

2008-12-31T14:12:00.001+08:00

i hate you.

saturday

2008-12-20T19:03:00.004+08:00

just another day, and it will be the third year.
that's how quickly time passes by.
3 years, and sometimes when i try to sleep,
the still pictures remain, the wounds too deep.
it has never faded away.
it never will.

how i wish it were all on paper, in pencil.
then i would be able to erase it and heal.
i've tried. its not that i havent.
but sometimes things will stay no matter how hard you brush them away.
i will never get over it.
i never will.

'3 years! you have to move on!' you may claim.
but hey, its really tough. i know, what a shame.
to the left or right? im still right here.
waiting for a light, to show me the way.
it hasnt appeared.
it never will.

better in time, i'll be okay~
its all too easy to just sing it away.
dont you agree?
i wish it were that simple.
i wish it were.
i wish.

nana*

unlucky

2008-10-12T03:03:00.003+08:00

i lost $200 today.
fucking pissed.
$100 was for shopping and movie.
the other $100 was to be deposited in the bank.
i cant believe there's such an inconsiderate shopper.
i was in the changing room trying on a pair of pants.
left the room without my black adidas pouch.
when i was in the queue to pay, i asked bf for purse and realized its gone!
went back to the changing room, which is just behind the cashier.
i heaved a sigh of relief. pouch was still there.
but when i opened it up, my money was gone.
my mind went blank.....

there was so much i wanted to do with the money.
i needed to buy my bus concession.
i need to get school books.
i need to pay my handphone bill.
i could have bought that pair of jeans.
i could have bought that pair of pants i tried.
i could have rewarded d with the movie.

why did you have to steal my money?
you sonofabitch.
you could have been a kind soul, bring the pouch to the cashier or lost and found.
im just a student, doing part time for extra cash.
i believe you must be someone old enough to think.
didnt you parents teach you not to steal?
John Little Plaza Singapura didnt have much for teens and kids.
it was mostly apparels for women and men.
you have got to be an adult already.
please think with your brain. not your dick/pussy.
does it make you happy stealing my money?
have you thought that others may need it more than you?
God is watching you. i hope you'll lose $20000 tomorrow.
no. you'll lose your hand.
fuck.
just my rotten luck.

crazy

2008-09-25T01:55:00.001+08:00

i sat silently in the bus with 2 big bags and 4 stalks of flowers.
drowning into 'better in time' by leona lewis, tears began rolling down my cheeks.
i lied. i wasnt okay.

somehow i cant forget you,
after all we've been through.

i put on a bland smile as i thought of you, and us.

pain

2008-09-22T01:13:00.000+08:00

i went home straight after work.
i sat in the kitchen eating part II of my tomyam yong tau fu with laksa noodles.
and there i was with my new friend, loneliness.
indulged in reminiscence, i couldnt help but feel sick.
i picked up the phone and called you.
thank you for being there.

i really wish my days will get better.
im going to collect my camera tomorrow.
finally, something to hold and smile at.
then i might be heading down to plaza singapura.
it will be a brand new day.
right?
yea, i hope im right.

pathetic

2008-09-16T14:09:00.002+08:00

i've received my exam results via sms yesterday. passed all modules but failed PD. sigh.

still have got about a month before school starts again.

i've applied for jobs at Angie the choice and Kingkow and they havent get back to me just yet. :(

i hope they'll call me sooner so i dont have to plan what i want to do every single day.

the planning just gets tougher each day.

today, i'll be packing my clothes that i wanna give away.

then im heading down to toa payoh library to return my books.

after that i'll hog around in Popular to look for this binder thing.

then head home? yea. i think that's it.

so, farewell.

crushed

2008-09-02T14:45:00.001+08:00

im so devastated by the result. i feel like my whole world is crumbling down.
i failed PD1. :(
i've been so looking forward to February 2009. the month i should be graduating. now, i have to retain for yet another six months.
i should have graduated this year, February/ March 2008. but i have to repeat a couple of modules.
but now, it means that i'll probably graduate in August 2009. sigh.
i really dont know what i should do. quit? repeat?
i feel so useless.

finally.

2008-08-25T16:39:00.022+08:00

oh yes, finally.

decided on a skin that i really like. and managed to edit the best way i can.

today is a cool cloudy day. my first day of VPP. [vacation project programme]
means i've got no 7 weeks of holidays. reduced to only 2 weeks. everyday i have to be in school.
from 8am to 5pm. so sedih.
but that is if i pass PD1. i have another review this friday. and i damn hope i can pass.
progress is still unsatisfactory. :(
but i will do my bloody best.
went for a briefing at LT20 in the morning. i survived the ordeal d! so proud of myself. :)
and guess what. there is this bullshit-team-building thing that happens every tuesday and thursday.
we have to run. and i dont know whatever else we have to do to prepare ourselves for napfa.
i dont remember myself ever passing napfa. haha. maybe i did. then maybe again i didnt.
sooooo malas! have to bring shoes and attire all.
but i will try my best to improve my stamina, to outrun you d.
i will do whatever it takes to make my timing 1.2times faster than yours.
i will do double the pull-ups you can do. [back or front]
chey. haha. merepek. i tau.
okay la. 4.30pm now. gonna pack up and leave. going toa payoh to find that sonofabitch who cheated my money. story later on. bye!